Silly!Fic time

Two years ago I decided that Lex needs a dog and I started to write a few silly german FFs about it. Now I decided it's time to let the dog speak again. In English. Thanks to aurora_bee and Claire from the MRMB for correcting it. I hope you'll like it. It's the first english story I've written since I finished school.Author: TyffiRating: PG-13 Paring: Clark/Lex... somehowWarning: includes some kind of homosexualtySummary: Lex's dog Krümmel is musing about living with human beings.Disclaimer: „Smallville“ and its characters are copyright of DC Comics, Warner Brothers, Tollin/Robbins and Millar/Gough Ink.Musing of a Billionaire's dogHello!You probably don't know me or you don't remember me so I'll introduce myself.My name is Krümmel (yeah, I know it's a stupid name but I didn't chose it). I'm a two-year-old Golden Retriever and live at LuthorMansion. My master is none other than Lex Luthor himself! He's such a great master. Honestly! Unfortunately he doesn't have much time to play with me. He's running a big company and he's fighting with his father (who used to have some really greasy hair, but now he’s cut it and it looks like a raven died on his head. Is that the reason why Master's fighting with his father? *scratches head*) Lex also has a boyfriend and me and... let's just say he's a very busy man. *winks* But he tries to spend as much time with me as he can spare. *smiles* Unfortunately he still hasn't learnt how to play. I have tried to teach him for two years now but... he's just human, you know. Human beings aren't that clever. *sighs* I never met a clever person yet and I'm afraid I never will.Two years ago I met a girl called Tyffi whom I thought might be clever. At least she understood what I was saying. That’s not normal for human beings. Anyway she offered to be my ghostwriter. I was a whelp then and couldn't write yet. I was so pleased about her offer because I am really keen about sharing my experiences with the young billionaire I'm living with, with all the people out there. This Tyffi-girl told me that there are a lot of people who like and admire my master.So we met and we talked, she typed everything on her computer. The first days I'd spent at Lex's, how I fell in the pond which is in the mansion's garden, how I jumped into Lex's bed when he and Clark were... uhm... lying in it. Stuff like that. But do you know what that Tyffi-girl did? She'd written everything in German. *rolls eyes* And I had no idea what she'd written. I don't speak German! I should've known that there's something wrong with that girl. She was in the mansion, Master doesn't know her and I never figured out, how she got there.Well, security isn't good. It seems like they let everyone in no matter if he or she is up to no good. Seriously, it's a miracle that the Master hasn't been killed by some psycho axe-murderer yet. Luckily I'm here now. But that Tyffi-girl wasn't very clever and I'm glad that I'll never seen her again.Master isn't clever, either. I mean, I definitely love him. I adore him. I'm his best friend! (Okay, that's why I'm here. It's my duty. I'm a dog. *giggles* A pretty cute dog by the way. And still able to become a father one day. If you know what I mean *winks*.) But Master's a little bit stupid. He still hasn't found out that the man he sleeps with is an alien. It's true, Clark looks human and he acts human but he certainly smells outer space. Literally! Well, human noses aren't as good as those of dogs, so that's probably why Master still thinks Clark is an ordinary guy who's just a little bit goofy. *shrugs* But maybe he just doesn't wanna see that Clark's different. Though it would be great fun if he knew! The disturbing point about Lex is: he CANNOT play! You know, I own this wonderful blue ball. I don't know if it's blue, I'm colorblind, but Lex told me when he gave me the ball at Christmas morning. It's a wonderful ball. I really like to carry it in my mouth and take it with me wherever Master and I go. And I like to play with it. It bounces really high. That's so funny.Sometimes I let Master play with that ball, too. He's always laughing then. I personally think Master should laugh more often...We usually play in the garden. There's a lot of space. Master Lex throws the ball at me and I catch it. Then I throw the ball at him and he catches it. That's a funny game and sometimes Clark's joining us. But sooner or later Lex starts to throw the ball far away. Then I have to run and sniffle to find my ball. Last time it took me half an eternity to find it, but I have a good nose and find everything. So, when Master's throwing my ball away and I find it, I put it in my mouth and run with it back to Lex. He takes it out of my mouth, taps my head and says "Good boy!" Then he throws the ball away again. *headdesk* He's so stupid. And he's always doing that. It's fun for him but it's annoying me. I love my ball and I don't wanna loose it. It was a gift from my Master!But this Clark-alien isn't better. He's not human but dumb anyway. He's always laughing at me. He thinks he is so much cleverer than me but he's not! *growls* But mostly he makes Lex forget the world around him. Then they're kissing and hugging and... uhm... doing those things I did to the neighbour's dog yesterday. *blushes* Her Mistress was really angry at me when she found us... Anyway, I'm not talking about me I wanna talk about Lex and Clark. They do it everywhere. And all the time! They don't get tired of it! They do it on the desk in Master's office. Or on the pool table. They do it in the master bedroom, in the guest bedrooms. They do it while they have a shower or when they are in the gym or in the garden. And yesterday when I came back home from my rendezvous with the neighbour's dog I found them on the kitchen floor.Damn, I eat there! Just because I'm able to lick my own testicles that doesn't mean I have no sense for law and order. These human beings are weird. Honestly. Maybe Master and Clark are worse than the others, but to me it seems like they're in their heat. Permanently! They're like the rabbits I like to haunt. *giggles* Many rabbits live in the mansion's garden and it’s such great fun to interrupt them while they're making babies. Hmm, Master and Clark are making babies, too. But then humankind is even weirder. Or is it not for reproduction but for fun? I don't get it.Oh... oh... *smiles* No I’ve got it! They're gay!!! *giggles*But that's no reason to ignore me. Everytime Master and Clark are making out they forget about me. That's not fair! I'm such a cute dog and deserve a lot of attention. *nods*They even ignore me when I have to pee. Of course I whine and whimper and start to bark and do... dog's stuff but they never take a blind bit of notice. Usually it ends with me peeing against Clark's leg or in his shoe. I would never do that with Master! Master's lovely and his shoes are nicer than Clark's. And besides Clark's mean. He diverts Master from me. *whines*So peeing against the leg of the Clark-alien is the only way to win their attention. Clark's always upset when this happens and Master scolds me a little bit but then I look at him with my big innocent brown eyes and he melts away. And he stops telling me off. So does Clark. "Where's my big boy? Where's he?“Oh, Master's coming home. He mustn't see me typing at his laptop. He would freak out.„Kruemmel! Where's my big boy? Daddy's home. Come to daddy!“*rolls eyes* He can be so childish... I have to go. Maybe I'll write again when Master's preoccupied with Clark the next time *giggles*Have a nice day!Bye byeKrümmel